August 2010
5 posts
1 tag
TAKE YOUR JEWISH GIRLFRIEND TO CHURCH
SHOW HER WHATS UP WITH JESUS CHRIST
BECAUSE HONESTLY SHE IS WRONG
YOU ARE RIGHT
DON'T ENJOY SMELLING BAD?
PUT DEODORANT ON YOU DUMB SHIT. SERIOUSLY. IF YOU HAVE TO COME TO A FUCKING WEBSITE TO SEE THAT. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. SMELLING BAD AND GOOD, THE THING THAT MAKES THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE IS DEODORANT. FUCK YOU’RE STUPID.
GOT A STOMACH ACHE?
ACHE YOUR FUCKING STOMACH BY DRINKING LYSOL AND FUCKING WOOD CHIP MILKSHAKES.
COCKSUCKERS.
BREAKING NEW GREAT FUCKING IDEA
YELL AT WOMEN
January 2010
2 posts
GOT A JOB INTERVIEW ?
SHIT IN THE DRUG TESTING CUP
SHOW THEM YOU ARE THE SHIT
AND DRUG FREE
SO YOU GOT YOUR BITCH RIGHT
SAY YOU GOT YOUR BITCH ALL UP ON YOUR COUCH
AND SHES LIKE DAMN I REALLY WANNA GET DOWN ON YOUR BADSELF
BUT YOURE ALL LIKE BITCH IM PLAYING XBOX
GET THE FUCK OFF MY XBOX
GET A WII
NII
September 2009
34 posts
FUCK CATS AND FUCK DOGS
LETS DOMESTICATE SOME FUCKING GRIZZLY BEARS
THAT WILL KEEP THOSE FUCKING NO GOOD KIDS
OF YOUR LAWN OF AWESOME I’M OLDNESS
OUR CONVERSATION WITH THE PRESIDENT
PRESIDENT: YOUR IDEAS ARE FUCKING HELLA TIGHT
US: NO SHIT DOG WE FUCKING KNOW THIS
PRESIDENT: WHAT SHOULD I DO TOMORROW
US: FUCKING BUILD A SLIDE THAT GOES FROM THE NORTH POLE TO THE SOUTH POLE IN TWENTY MINUTES
PRESIDENT: FILLED WITH FUCKING STRAWBERRY BUBBLES
US: THATS REALLY GAY.
OH SHIT THAT WALL IS ATTRACTIVE
FUCKING NAIL A HOLE IN THE BRICK WALL AND JUST GO TO TOWN. PUT YOUR EXTREMITIES IN IT, IT’LL MAKE IT FEEL ALL GOOD AND STUFF. OH MAN THAT SHIT WILL FEEL GOOD. ITLL BE LIKE TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH POCAHONTAS. WHICH IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE SHES DEAD. YOU’LL LOOK LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH THE WALL.
ITS A BRICK WALL DUMBASS, GET THE PICTURE. IT DOESNT WANT YOU.
HOLY SHIT THIS IS A GOOD SANDWICH
EVER HAD A SANDWICH SO GOOD YOU WORE LIKE GOD DAMN THIS IS GOOD
WELL I HAVE NOT AND THERE FOR I SAY WE FUCKING BAN THEM
THEY SUCK
YOU SUCK
DIE
HOWS THAT FOR A GOOD IDEA BITCH
HOLY BOLOGNA BATMAN THATS A FUCKING GREAT IDEA
HOLY SHIT I HATE THIS KEYBOARD. I WISH I COULD ATTACH LETTERS TO MY FINGERS AND JUST HIT THE TABLE AND HAVE THE LETTER COME OUT. NOW WITH A NEW BODY ATTACHMENT YOU’LL GAIN SIXTEEN NEW FINGERS SO THAT COMBINED YOU CAN JUST TYPE WITH ALL YOUR FUCKING FINGERS.
FUCKTHESPACEBARYOUASSHOLES.
NEW IPHONE APP
CHECK OUT OUR NEW IPHONE APP, FIND A LACTATING BABE. IT HELPS YOU FIND A BITCH WITH SOME PERKY RACKS THATS YEARNING FOR THE SQUIRTING OF THE MILK. GET THE FRESHEST MILK APPLE CAN GIVE YOU. ALL DAY EVERYDAY.
TOLD YOU THERES AN APP FOR THAT.
GROW-A-WHAT
HEY, I WANT A FUCKING BURGER. LET’S GET A BURGER THAT YOU DON’T NEED TO GRILL, LIKE THOSE FUCKING GROW-A-PET SHIT. JUST ADD SOME FUCKING H2-FUCKING-OH AND VOILA, YOU GOTS YOURSELF A FUCKING DOUBLE-STACKED CHEESEBURGER ON THE FUCKING GO-GO.
OH SHIT CHECK THAT OUT
THATS ONE DOPE ASS TREE. OH BUT WAIT A FUCKING HOT SECOND. THAT ISNT A TREE. PULL THIS FUCKING BRANCH IT TURNS INTO A TENT. FUCK OFF BEARS.
EVERYONE HAS THOSE DAYS.
EVER HAS THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU DONT FEEL LIKE WEARING ANYTHING BUT KNOW YOU HAVE TO WELL WITH THIS NEW SOFT SEE THROUGH SHIRT YOU CAN WEAR A SHIRT BUT IT WILL LOOK AND FEEL LIKE YOU’RE FUCKING NAKED. KEEP THE GIRLS IN CASED BUT LET EVERYONE ELSE THINK YOU’RE WILD AND SET THEM BABIES FREE. THE BREEZY TIT SHIRT. PUBLIC INDECENCY MY ASS.
ART CLASS SHIT
INVENT A LEONARDO DA VINCI ROBOT. BECAUSE EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS HE WASN’T NO FUCKING REAL PERSON TO BEGIN WITH. WHO THE FUCK CREATES A HELICOPTER AND PAINTS AT THE SAME TIME EVEN BEFORE THERE WAS THE ORNOTHOPTER. NO ONE, THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING ROBOT.
FIRST THOUGHT THIS MORNING
OH HEY BELT WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU MAKE ME BREAKFAST. BREAKFAST BELT EQUIPPED WITH 12 FRESH EGGS FROM THE UTERUS OF A CHICKEN AND FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE, TASTIER THAN SHIT. ONE SIZE DOESNT FIT ALL YOU SKINNY FUCKERS.
FUCKING DRIPS DRIPS DRIPS ALL DAY
WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH TABLES THEY JUST COLLECT DRIPS. MAKE A TABLE OUT OF FUCKING NAPKINS. THEN YOU NEVER HAVE TO GET FUCKING NAPKINS. AND FUCK FORKS. EAT WITH YOUR FACE.
THIS SHIT WILL GET YOU DRUNK ON IDEA ALONE
A TAPE PLAYER THE SHAPE OF BREAD, MOST PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THATS A TAPEPLAYER BUT YOULL SHOW THEM WHEN YOU HAVE FUCKING TOAST ON THE GO. ONE BUTTON STARTS THAT TOASTING SHIT THE NEXT ONE WILL BUTTER THAT SHIT UNTIL IT SHINES AND THE LAST BUTTON DONT EVER FUCKING PRESS. WORD OF ADVICE.
SHINY ASS WHITE SHIT
HOW ABOUT A GREAT IDEA. I GOT ONE. A THING YOU SHOVE UP YOUR NOSE AS A BODY ATTACHMENT AND IT HANGS OUT WITH SMALL WINDSHIELD WIPERS THAT DISPERSE TOOTHPASTE AND BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH FOR YOU. THEN KISS THEM BITCHES. FUCKING SHINY.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME
A MICROWAVE THAT ONLY WARMS UP SANDWICHES
CAUSE FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE
BEST IDEA EVER
A LESBIAN WITH 4 LEGS.
DEFFINITLY A WOODHOLLY CLASSIC
MAKE A NEW MOVIE STARING LITTLE BOW WOW AND LITTLE ROMEO WHERE THEY DON’T RAP JUST FUCKING MURDER EACH OTHER. WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO’S WINNING UNTIL WE FIGURE OUT THE DIFFERENCE.
COCKLEBARS
FOR ALL YOU HIPSTER BITCHES THAT JUST LOVE A LITTLE DICK IN YOUR LIFE. HANDLEBARS MADE FOR YOU. PERFECT PHALLIC SHAPE. FUCKING DICK HANDLEBARS. NO BREAKS.
A GREAT MAGAZINE
HOW ABOUT A MAGAZINE CALLED PLAYTRANS, WHEN GIRLS HAVE DICKS AND GUYS HAVE VAGINAS. AND THEY SHOW THEM.
AND EAT HAMBURGERS WITH SLOPPY MAYO.
GRAB A CAT
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A FUCKING PATHETIC CAT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD (CRYING AND SHIT) AND WANT TO PICK IT UP. FUCKING GRAB-A-CAT UTILITY WILL HOLD UP TO TEN FUCKING CRYING AND SCREAMING AND ANNOYING PIECE OF AWESOME CATS.
POGO STICKS WITH SOME SHIT
HOW ABOUT A FUCKING POGO STICK WITH MAPLE SYRUP DISPENSERS ON THE SIDE SO THAT YOU CAN EAT THE MOST UNEATABLE ITEM WHILE WALKING, PANCAKES. AND YOU’RE NOT WALKING. YOU’RE ON A FUCKING POGO STICK.
BRILLIANT
HOW ABOUT A HOT POCKET MILKSHAKE. THEY GO DOWN EASIER AND NO MORE FUCKING COLD CENTER
PLUS, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ITS GONNA LOOK LIKE WHEN IT COMES OUT
MUCH SAFER THIS WAY
SCISSORS WITH OUT HANDLES JUST TWO BLADES ATTACHED. NO MORE OF THAT PUSSY SHIT WHERE MOM SAYS NO RUNNING WITH SCISSORS YOU’LL SHOW HER.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS
PEOPLE ALWAYS DRIVING ON YOUR ASS AND NOT LETTING UP? FUCKING KILL THEM WITH A GRENADE LAUNCHING TAILPIPE. SMITE THINE ENEMIES WITH GRENADES OF FURY
DIS DA SHIT
A SHIRT OR HOODIE, WHICH EVER SUITS THE CURRENT SITUATION AND CLIMATE, THAT HAS AN INFLATABLE COLLAR SO YOU ALWAYS HAVE A FUCKING PILLOW
YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS
YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE YOUR MAN TITS AREN’T HELPING YOU WITH THE FUCKING LADIES? TIT-B-GONE 4 MEN. NO MORE MAN TITS.
AND LADIES, SICK OF SICKOS CHECKING OUT YOUR AWESOME RACK. TIT-B-GONE THAT SHIT.
OMG
A FUCKING SPATULA THATS A HAND. BITCH SLAPPING WITH A SPATULA.
HOLY SHIT CHECK THIS DOPE ASS SHIT OUT
A FUCKING MICROWAVE THAT FILTERS MORE AND MORE POPCORN INTO THE SIDE SO YOU NEVER FUCKING RUN OUT OF POPCORN.
AND THOSE GOD DAMN SAVE-A-LOT BRAND HOT POCKETS.
TAKE A NOTE
MAKE SOME PANTS WITH A POUCH BUILT INTO THE FRONT AND SIDES INSTEAD OF SMALL, USELESS POCKETS THAT THOSE BIGWIGS AT CLOTHING COMPANIES WANT TO PUT ON YOUR PANTS
A FOLD UP LAWN CHAIR THAT HAS INFLATABLE SEAT AND BACK
SUCH GREAT FUCKING IDEAS
INVENT THE SPORF, THAT WAY YOU CAN EAT STEAK, CHEW YOUR VEGGIES, AND SLURP SOUP ALL WITHOUT DIRTYING WHO KNOWS HOW MANY FUCKING KNIVES AND FORKS AND SPOONS
PRETTY FUCKING GOOD IDEAS
GROW TALLER. THAT FUCKING COOKIE JAR ON THE TOP SHELF WONT HAVE SHIT ON YOU.
INVENT SOME KIND OF INTERNET DATABASE OR SERVER FOR PORN.
A SPOON AND KNIFE COMBINED FOR THE DAYS YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE SOUP AND ACQUIRE A SNAKE TONGUE AT THE SAME TIME.
AND YET ANOTHER
A DESK THAT WHEN YOU PRESS A BUTTON MAKES YOU LOOK PRODUCTIVE, BUT ANOTHER BUTTON MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A LAZY ASSHOLE WHO LIKES LAYS POTATO CHIPS AND PORN.
ALSO ANOTHER GREAT IDEA
RENT A FENCE ( THEY SHOULD BE CHEAP.. I HOPE)
WRAP IT AROUND THE DORMS AND TRAP PEOPLE IN IT
WE HAVE GREAT FUCKING IDEAS.
WE HAVE THE BEST IDEAS AND WE FUCKING KNOW IT.
CHECK THIS OUT:
HOW ABOUT PASTA THAT HAS FUCKING PASTA INSIDE OF IT THAT TAKES LIKE PASTA.
AND LIGHTBULBS THAT TURN INTO CANDLES.
AND A TSHIRT THAT HAS A LARGE POCKET ON THE BACK INSTEAD OF WEARING A FUCKING BACKPACK YOU HIPSTERS.